More Thoughts On Gordon Ramsay

... Watched Ramsay rake another restaurateur over the coals last night. This idiot was buying their produce at the Tesco grocery store, rather than seeking out local wholesale suppliers. I got to thinking about our own restaurants in Redlands, and I realized we'll never see any Michelin stars posted in Our Town. Here's why:

Apparently, the Michelin Men aren't so impressed by elaborate cooking, as quality meals prepared with those fresh, local tidbits Ramsay keeps harping about. What do we have locally that can be made to impress?

I suppose there's still enough oranges to go around, but fine dining takes more than that. We have no ocean to fish in, or drag crustaceans from; there's no sheep, nor cow, nor goat to be had.

Then it hit me, the "ah-ha" inspiration that will make the restaurant of my imagination the talk of all California, and beyond. (This is where the screen blurs, and then refocuses. We see the inside of Chez Woody. A waiter approaches a table of Redlands matrons....)

"Good ev-en-ing, lade-eez; My name ez Francois, and I vill be your waiter dis ev-en-ing."

Francois passes out the menus, and continues.

"Az you know, Chez Woody features the finest in de locally-source in-gre-dee-unts. Too-night, ve have something extra special: Filet of ze Jock Rabbit, with a love lee zoop of ze tomb-bel-weed."

The old ladies look dubious, but know the Michelin Man cannot be wrong, having awarded Chez Woody three of the precious gold stars. They nod to one another politely.

Francois continues on. "And ve have a rare treat; Leg of ze Coyote; ez cooked over ze bark of ze recently harvested Or-ange twee. Veddy delicious."

"Perhaps for starters, you vovely lade-ez would enjoy our renown sagebrush salad, covered in ze juices of ze local cack-tus."

Fade to black.

Nah. I guess it wouldn't work. Even Ramsay would puke.