To: Jennifer Dobbs, Editor, Redlands Daily Facts
From: Dave, official thorn-in-your-side
Re: Subscription
YES! My one-year subscription to the Facts is up, and I'm not renewing. You can begin celebrating any time you like. No more will you receive Nasty-grams from yours truly complaining about the layout, composition, and most of all, writing in our once-revered daily newspaper.
I'm done. Finished. Stick-a-fork-in-it Over. Even if your circulation department offered me another ten-buck a year deal, it's just not worth the stress every evening. No more will I groan as I watch you and your band of idiots pretend to be journalists. No more will I read yet another Sunday column about your freakin' grand baby. No more will I feel my stomach churn as you give yards of free advertising to local hairdressers. No more vomit-inspiring "Questions of the Week", nor the printing of every single press release that crosses your collective desks. No more buried leads. No more moire-patterned photographs.
Free at last, free at last -- thank God almighty, I'm free at last.
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