The Mean Green Journalism Machine

Back in the day, your average "beat" as they called it, at the newspaper was either a) the action down at the court house, b) City hall, c) the cop shop, or lesser pursuits like "society" stuff or sports.

Today's J-schoolers must now all be trained in finding and reporting the most arcane trivia regarding the environment. The media, on a daily basis, must find at least one new angle relating to global warming, saving energy, or our water supply, or our reducing waste, less it be viewed as not doing it's God-given mandate to inform the public.

Let's not forget that many of these stories are written by "stringers," people who aren't in the employ of the publications they write for. They are free-lancers, paid by the column-inch. So, like any good business man or woman, they supply what the market wants. And the media wants anything environmental right now.

In today's Sunday paper, for example, we have important tips on how to make that next party you hold "green". To which I reply with my standard issue "WTF"?

I didn't read the article; I can guess what suggestions our earnest journalist has to offer: make sure all the paper goods came from recycled sources. Have the guests car-pool. Use low-wattage bulbs (great for adding atmosphere!) to illuminate your shin-dig; Be sure and take your empty vodka bottles back to the glass recycler, and use "natural" products the next morning to clean up the puke in the carpet.

Anyone can do this. Pick a topic, any topic, and put the word "green" in front of it. You've just created a story of instant public relevance. Use a real person's narrative in the first paragraph to make it feel "real". Give a little "before and after" history of the issue. Find some obscure specialist, doctor, engineer, or spokesperson for a couple of quotes. If you really want to look professional, find somebody in the field to say the idea is full of crap. Sum it all up in the last graph with: "Time will tell if XYZ will make a difference."

Then file the story, and place a copy in your tickler file to do a follow-up in a couple of years.

Feel free to thank me; I just saved you four years of journalism school. Start writing now; half of the media is currently tied up covering the wars or the election, and sooner or later they'll be looking for new (greener?) ground to cover.