Bond. James Bond.

In my book, there's only one Bond. Sean Connery.  He was the first James Bond I ever saw, and the best.  Mr. Connery has been in poor health lately and hasn't been on film in several years, but it is good to know he's doing voice work for an animated short, the second in a series, which takes place in his beloved Scotland.

Connery's Bond defeated a lot of bad guys over the years, and it's interesting to note that he's outlasted all the actors who played the bad guys as well.

 Last month, Julius Wiseman, who played Dr. No, passed away. Donald Pleasence (Blofeld in You Only Live Twice) died in 1995, Gert Frobe (Goldfinger) in 1988, and Adolfo Celi, Largo in Thunderball, back in 1986. I'll ignore the unofficial Never Say Never Again that Connery appeared in -- Max Von Sydow (Blofeld) is still quite alive.

Connery has also outlived all of the guys who played his CIA counterpart, Felix Leiter.  Cec Linder (Goldfinger) passed in 1992, Rik Van Nutter of Thunderball in 2005, and, most recognizable of the American spooks, Jack Lord, who died in 1998.

Time has also not been kind to Bond's MI6  brethren. Bernard Lee (M) died in 1981, Desmond LLewelyn (Q) in 1999, and sadly, the lovely Lois Maxwell, Miss Moneypenny, in 2007.

Bond girls may not have great screen careers following their appearance in the series, though the fabulous Pussy Galore of Goldfinger, Honor Blackman, continues to work at the age of 82. As far as I can tell, all the other lesser Bond girls are still alive and kicking.

So let's all raise our glasses (shaken, not stirred) to Connery Bond, and the fun we had at the movies.

Short Description = Short Attention Span.

Somewhere, in some cubicle, in Hollywood, or New York, or Cleveland, or Bombay, for all I know, there's some guy tasked with boiling down the plot lines of movies into fifteen word summaries.  These little summaries end up as the TV listings on my cable guide.

They suck.

Just the first few words turn me off. They tell me "Forget it, Dave, you're going to hate it. This movie is crap. It's trite. It's tasteless.  It's a waste of time."

Those words have exactly the opposite effect that the networks want to create -- they drive me away from watching the movies.  Most of the time, I don't get through the description before I've moved on to the next listing, only to find myself again reading no further than the first few words and moving on, yet again.

Let me give you some examples.  I won't tell you the names of the movies that the description is meant to illustrate.  Just read, and decide if you would continue to read the rest of the synopsis,  much less watch the flick.  Perhaps you will agree with me. Perhaps not. After all, somebody bought tickets to these gems.


A simple Missouri farmer...


A liberal adaptation of the life of Jesus...


In medieval Korea...


In ancient Rome...


After causing St. Nick to have a fatal accident...


A career-minded architect...


Rebel forces gather...


A martial arts teacher...


A small town is brought together...


A single mom becomes pregnant...


When a man is mugged...


A tyrannical Roman leader...


A brilliant scientist is horribly disfigured...


A reporter awakens...


In the 1980's, a former rock star...


A family gets a police dog...


A soldier is released from prison...


After serving in WWII...


An enthusiastic computer programmer and his girlfriend...


Two brothers find a downed spacecraft...


An updated telling of the classic tale...


An IRS agent with a mysterious secret...


Two weed-smoking friends...


A former US soldier...


An aging transsexual...


NASA discovers an enormous asteroid


Two brash fighter pilots...


Two brothers with a history of conflict...


A martial arts expert enters a tournament...


A model and a car dealer team up...


Scientists train genetically altered sharks...


A reclusive and awkward man...


A famous rapper is denied membership...


An unemployed single mother resorts to...


A disgraced former FBI agent working as...


A cantankerous female FBI agent...


A struggling young artist receives inspiration...


After a detective's wife is murdered...


A girl returns from a mental hospital...


When a submarine goes missing...


A young pregnant woman discovers...


A depressed man is urged to enroll...


Psychotic killer returns...


A high school student dreams...


Un mercenario que transporta mercanicia ilegal
(just thought I'd throw that one in...)

Maybe some night I'll drink a lot of beer and combine all of these into the ultimate bad movie.

It will be about tyrannical, depressed, weed-smoking pregnant Roman soldiers who find a craft from outer space after being released from prison while psychotic aging transexual Korean rebel forces gather to train genetically engineered sharks that once worked for the FBI.  All will die however when the asteroid hits in a liberal interpretation of the life of Jesus.

I'm summarizing here to save the guy in the cubicle some work.

It will probably make millions.

Let's Get Animated For A Minute...

Knowing that lots of people will be stuck around the house on the long Thanksgiving weekend, the TV networks pulled out some of their grade "A" stuff to watch.  (Not enough, but enough.)

Having just rented Disney's Up the other day, and remembering how terrific it was to see a genuinely creative story told, I was delighted to see three other animated films on TV.  The Incredibles remains one of the best movies released in the past decade, and loses nothing in multiple viewings. Cars, another one of Pixar's hits, is sheer genius, especially to anyone who has loved anything automotive or who has traveled Route 66 / Interstate 40 multiple times, as I have.  Finally, I got to see a recent release that didn't get as much attention as the others, but none the less is a fine film in its own right -- Bolt.  


All of these films combine outstanding animation with (pardon the pun) three dimensional characters, a well thought out story, and great voice acting from some of the best people in Hollywood... and I just don't mean the "stars" whose names we all recognize.  There are some incredibly talented people roaming around Hollywood whose faces you will never see, but who's voices you have heard perhaps hundreds of times on film and television.  To them, I tip my hat.

Lately, all we seem to get on the big screen are cheap comedies and big CGI films lifting characters from comic books.  Maybe the studios ought to turn the creators of the above films loose on live action movies. Then again, maybe not.  I want to see more great animated films in the future.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Today is the day we should all remember our ancestors who shared their blessings with the natives.

As such, the wife and I will be dining at home on Fajitas and drinking Mexican Coca-Cola.

It was either that, or going to the Indian casino and playing the slots.

I'd Laugh, But It Ain't Funny.

The New York Times reported today that many newspapers around the country, including the San Bernardino Sun and the Riverside Press Enterprise, will boost the price of their Thanksgiving (or in case of the PE, day after) newspapers to the Sunday rate.

Traditionally, the Thanksgiving day newspaper is physically one of the largest, if not the largest issues of the year due to the enormous amount of Christmas advertising.  Street sales of the paper from vending machines also spike as people want to know what's going to be on sale the following day.

How sad it is that newspapers can't draw readers based on their news content any longer, and at last are admitting that people are buying the paper just for the ads.  That being said, ad revenue continues to decline because of the generally piss-poor economy and more so because newspapers fail to provide reasons for people to subscribe.  Typical of the brain-dead publishers and owners who run these businesses, they're taking the tactic of punishing their buyers (both readers and advertisers) on the one day they want the paper most.

Imagine if retailers operated this way... Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Sears, et al all raised their prices the day after Thanksgiving,.. ridiculous, huh?  You'd tell them to shove it, and find somebody else to buy from.  Maybe somebody online.  Maybe somebody who mailed you a catalog.... Gee, let me think, who are newspapers competing with these days? Online news compilers (and their ads) and direct mail.

Idiots. Idiots. Idiots.

Oh, and in other news, the Washington Post is closing all its US bureaus.  Goodbye New York, Chicago,and  Los Angeles Post writers.