Let's Amend The Naturalization Law

I've recently become acquainted with an individual who became an American citizen thanks to one of our government's periodic "amnesty" programs.

He openly brags about how he's eluded the border patrol while bringing in illegal aliens, and operates a side business selling drugs. He generally exudes the feeling that our stupid American laws were made to be broken.

Now, as a naturalized citizen, he had to take an oath. It reads:

"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the armed forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

This fellow obviously isn't defending the laws of the US of A as he promised, is he?
So, I propose the following amendment....

"Any naturalized citizen found in violation of the Oath Of Allegiance, to wit, a felony crime, shall have their naturalized citizenship status revoked, and at the discretion of the judge in such a case, order deportation to the country from which the individual originally held citizenship."

I'm sure the ACLU would just love that, but so be it.

Reviving Rock, Part III: GMTA

Being old and "out of it" I didn't even realize that Robert Plant and Allison Krause were up for Grammys this year -- and for the same record. Even more amazing, they won! I'm feeling smug because this extreme case of young and old, rock and introspective musicianship reinforces my belief that we need fresh collaboration between established artists to fuel interest in music again. So there.

Bad News You Probably Didn't See

What with the focus being on the economy, octuplets, and Christian Bale's ranting on set (somebody give the sound guy a bonus for slipping that one to the media) there's been a couple of bits on international news that kinda got overlooked that are mighty scary...

Iran launched a satellite into space. "Yeah, so?" you say. Well, boys and girls, if they can launch a satellite, that means they now have the capability to build ICBMs. (For those of you born after the cold war, that stands for Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles.) And we know what those are used for... delivering nuclear bombs, anytime, anyplace... and probably using your very own car's sat nav system to target the bomb.

Then there's the little bit about Russia recruiting former USSR neighbors for a joint military system. Putin and company really, really want to rebuild the Soviet Union, kids. And don't forget, all he has to do is turn a gas valve, and half of Europe has no heat. Lovely, just lovely.

Not on the same level, but I see on "Top Gear" that our Japanese friends have unwittingly laid the groundwork for preventing you from driving fast in the future. Can't drive 55? Oh yeah, says we. The new Nissan supercar that's all the rage right now (faster than a turbo Porsche at Nurburgring!) has a clever gadget that can be a bad thing in the wrong hands. You see, cars are computer limited to 109 MPH in Japan... so what's the point of having a bizzilion horsepower supercar? Solution: the GPS system "sees" the car drive into a racetrack, and "click" -- off goes the limiter. Cool, huh?

But think about the reverse application. Your friendly government wires your Ford Focus so that whenever the GPS system sees you on a 35 MPH street -- "click" -- and you can't go above the speed limit. 65 on the freeway? "click" -- and you can mash the throttle all you want, but the computer shuts down the ignition system and fuel delivery so you and every other poor slob all have the same top speed. Outside of making 95 percent of the highway patrol superfluous, it's a great way to cut the nation's wasteful fuel consumption.

Just don't mention this to Congress; I don't think they watch Top Gear, so we're safe for now.

Reviving Rock, Part Two...

OK, so the current music scene kinda sucks. Now, I admit, back in the day we had our own versions of the Jonas Brothers that we'd all rather forget, but certainly there are some good creative musicians out there who might benefit from a little nudge in the right direction.

In my previous blog entry, I talked about reviving Rock by getting the greats of days past to set aside their egos and form new bands. I see no reason that these seasoned, talented people can't take the best of the new crop of musicians under their wing for a little on-the-job training. I mean, what twenty-something dude wouldn't want to jam with, oh, say, legends Ray Manzarek, John Densmore, and Robby Krieger of the Doors? I bet he'd be bragging about it, and using what he learned, 40 years from now.

Isn't this how most skilled trades are passed down from generation to generation? Note too, that this is how it's done in the classical and jazz fields.

It seems like the first skill to go bad in Rock is the ability to vocalize; bringing in fresh young pipes helps keep Rock fresh and young as well. Look for no better evidence of this than Brian Wilson's recent work. The harmonies will just kill you -- but you're not listening to the Beach Boys. Wilson's found some incredible young people to put their own spin on Brian's lyrics, and I guarantee you won't care who is singing.

Let his former band mates waste their breath fighting each other in court; Brian Wilson still knows how to write and arrange, and his recruitment of skilled young people helps lay the groundwork for the decades ahead. My bet is that it's helping keep Brian fresh creatively as well -- so there's benefit for both the young and old; the master and the apprentice.

How To Revive Rock Music

OK, so now that the IPod, downloads, the crappy economy et al have sunk the record business we used to know and love, I have an idea that just might draw a few of us back to the few remaining music stores that still exist....

In one word: collaboration.

Think of all the singers, writers, and bands we used to love. There's no "top 40" radio to speak of any more, so all we get are their classics endlessly played on oldies stations, 20, 30, 40 years after they first caught our attention. Somehow, the songs still sound great, even occasionally relevant despite they being a generation old. Yet, except for a rare few, we haven't heard from these people lately. Perhaps it's too costly to tour; perhaps they don't have a label -- who does these days? Maybe it's time for these talented people to revert back to (for lack of a better phrase) business model that once promised success for the best players:

Forming a new band.

Take Steven Stills, for example. 99 out of 100 people these days identify him with CSN (and sometimes Y) but look at the bands and the people he played with before that group.

From Wikipedia:

Stills dropped out of the University of Florida to pursue a music career in the early 1960s. He played in a series of unsuccessful bands including The Continentals, which featured future Eagles guitarist Don Felder. Stills could also be seen singing solo in Gerde's Folk City, a well-known coffee house in Greenwich Village. Stills eventually ended up in a nine-member vocal harmony group, the house act at the famous Cafe Au Go Go in NYC, called the Au Go Go Singers (Rick Geiger, Roy Michaels, Michael Scott, Jean Gurney, Kathy King, Nels Gustafson, Bob Harmelink, Richie Furay & Stills) where and when he met Richie Furay. This group also did some touring in the Catskills, and in the South, released one album in 1964, then broke up in 1965. Afterwards, Stills, along with four other former members of the Au Go Go Singers: Geiger, Michaels, Gurney & Scott, formed The Company, a folk/rock group. The Company embarked on a 6-week tour of Canada where Stills met a young guitarist named Neil Young. The Company broke up in New York within four months, opening up the way for Geiger to join a light opera company in Los Angeles; Michaels to link up with Jimi Hendrix, Gurney to go on to college while doing TV commercials, and Scott to tour with a retro-Highwaymen. Stills did session work and went to various auditions (including an unsuccessful one for The Monkees). In 1966 he convinced a reluctant former Au Go Go Singer, Richie Furay, then living in Massachusetts, to move with him to California.

Stills, Furay, and Young reunited in Los Angeles and formed the core of Buffalo Springfield. Legend has it that Stills and Furay recognized Young's converted hearse on the streets of LA and flagged him down, a meeting described in the recent solo track "Round the Bend". The band would release three albums (Buffalo Springfield, Buffalo Springfield Again, and Last Time Around) and one hit single (Stills' "For What It's Worth") before breaking up.

During the disintegration of Buffalo Springfield, Stills joined up with ex-Byrd David Crosby and ex-Hollie Graham Nash to form the supergroup Crosby, Stills & Nash. Cass Elliot invited Graham Nash over to meet Stills and David Crosby at the home of well known folk artist and painter Joni Mitchell, who painted several artworks of the three. Mitchell also contributed the artwork seen on the cover of the CSNY collection album "So Far", released in 1974.

Not to pick on Stills, but once CSNY hit it big, changing bands or changing up the lineup became a thing of the past. Yet his collaboration in other bands led him to the personal and musical connections that created CSNY.

So here's my point (and I do have one). What if all these great, well known individuals we heard on the radio dumped their egos at the door, quit trying to make a buck on the oldies county fair circuit, and sat down with other talented well known musicians and WROTE SOME NEW SONGS? Formed some NEW BANDS? Tried a new groove?

I, for one, want to hear Bob Seger team up with Linda Ronstadt and sing lyrics by Jackson Browne. Hell, at the very least, even an album of them doing covers of each others hits would be cool. (Think Seger singing "The Pretender." Sweet, huh?) Throw in a couple of killer guitarists from back in the day, and you've got a record people will pay for.

We, ahem, white people are all supposedly into country music these days, so why not unite some of the best country rock people from the 70's and turn them loose on some new tunes. Where are the boys from Marshall Tucker these days?

And, damnit, think about all the great soul acts out of Motown? Get those geezers out of the casino lounges and fire up a Hammond organ, for chrissakes. Think of the harmony! Stir that pot, mix in 40 years of real world experience, and gimme some new sounds that will rock this house. And put it out as an LP, too, just so I can smell some fresh vinyl again.